Do I look emo too much?

Last night, while I was sitting in front of the TV (even a sick person needs to have a little entertainment hahaha...) there was this Malay drama entitled Janji Terbukti (Proven Promises.. kinda like that). It's about a young man became a housekeeper since the owner of the house was divorced and lived with his 2 little sons. And yeah the housekeeper did all the house chores and also babysitting the 2 boys.
The housekeeper is really a kind young man came from poverty and he's the one who took care of his younger siblings's schoolings and such... He is so kind even the neighbour liked him. :)

And then bla bla bla.. my mom and dad came watching the drama too. They sat beside me and that means I was stuck between them..

and then at the end of the drama, the owner got back with his wife and later, he asked the housekeeper (the young man) whether he wanted to continue his studying or not. The young man said "it's ok.. even if I'm still interested to study, but I have no money.. and I need to let my younger siblings get success first.."
But then the owner said "It's OK. I'll take care of the money for your studying and also your siblings'. "

That time I'm not sure if the scene was too emotional.. The drama is kinda a light drama one.. but then my mom suddenly said "eh ehh.. your dad cried?? I've never seen him crying while watching a television. *giggle giggle* " My dad just kept silent that time and kept on watching the tv....

I was like... "(uhh ok.. I think I can guess why's that happened...)" <-----I didn't say anything.. just kept my mouth shut My dad was not really crying although I didn't turn my head to see him whether he's crying or not.. but I think he's just got teary eye.. Not really crying.. Well.. why do I think I can guess the reason of it? Because I know he (my dad) is remembering the 'incident' that happened to his oldest kid (my oldest brother) before.. How a dad hopes to see his son grew up and be successful in his studying but the hope didn't go too far.. My brother stopped in the middle of his studying and later took other course.. which the course is not very encouraged by my parents... But I guess my parents didn't have any other choices than to let him do whatever he wants.... So I think when my dad seeing the scene of how the owner is kind enough to support and take care of the money things for the young man, I think I know how my dad feels.. The owner isn't even a relative to the young man but he would do anything for the young man because the young man has helped him so much with the house, the 2 boys and his divorced wife..And the young man thanked the owner very very very much he really appreciated it.... I guess that's the reason my dad got teary eye....


The conclusion is, sometimes this really upsets and distresses me.. I know every parents want their children to be successful in their study.. but I dunno.. maybe I'm the last child so I'm the only one they're hoping for now... It's not that I'm blaming my oldest brother for disappointing my dad.. but yeah some small parts of me did blame him.. he's even became hot-tempered after he stopped his first course and slept all days at home without helping my mom with the house chores and things... I just hated him that time.. I wouldn't mind if he at least help mom cleaning the house, washing the dishes, cleaning the yards, washing the cars, helping with the meals and such... but aaarghh... he just shut himself in his room and then didn't do anything besides playing his PC games, and then eating, and then watching tv. And he often made my mom cried because of his stubborn and hot-tempered attitudes.... I just really hated him that time.... Even my older sister hated him too...
But now he's already working (with his course that is not very encouraged by my parents) and he's in KL right now... I dunno what will happen to him (he's 28 and I dunno if he's interested in marriage or not) but the thing is, I know that my dad is really disappointed with him.. although it's all history now but I still feel my dad still regrets about it.... and I guess that's why I'm the one who kinda took all of my dad's high hopes now..

uhh... this is just tiresome... not that I don't want to study hard and to be successful but.... ahhh i dunno what to say... currently I'm even studying a course I'm really not interested that much so how could I expect to have a great oh great oh great result that could bring me further to overseas?? Let's say if I can graduate nicely (not with flying colours) I think that would be enough for me... Talking about overseas, I'm not the kind who can go studying overseas easily with his/her parents' money... so the only way to go there if I wish to go, is to study hard hard hard and then get the government scholarship.... *sigh*


Oh God please help me.. I hope I can be someone my parents can be proud of... V_________V

(sometimes I'm just too afraid I draw too much when I'm distressed and tension..... somehow I still cannot sacrifice my drawing skills and anime/manga/games hobbies.. T___T )


ps: hahaha stupid grammar mistakes..... yes i know


AND TO anyone who read this post, please don't hate me for hating my brother because of what he did. I mean.. maybe you think I will hate all people who once failed at his/her course and then took another easier course... No please don't think me is like that... It's not like that in my case. I hated him because after he stopped the course (which at that time he only have only 1 year to finish his course), he just stayed at home without doing anything, without wanting to go out and searching for part-time work, but instead he just shut himself in his room and slept all days..playing PC games all days.. and he's also a hot-tempered one making my mom cried many times when he didn't want to listen to my mom.. he didn't even want to help with the house chores... I know maybe you'll think "Maybe males are like that? They didn't know and didn't notice..?" But I dunno.. it's not that my parents didn't advice him and such... he's just too stubborn... >____<

So, please don't think that I hate those people who once failed at his/her first course.. I know everyone has their own limit and capability.. Maybe it's his attitude that makes me hated him that time... If he behave himself and try to repent himself, then I think I won't hate him that far... And that was long time ago.. Now although we didn't have any argument and such, but I still feel uncomfortable when being around him.. Yeah, like a stranger to me.. *sigh*
I guess every family has problems eh? *sigh*